Raygun Fizzles

It is extremely rare that you watch somebody compete in the Olympics and think “Wow, I could do better than that…” These Olympians are at their physical peak, achieving the highest honors in their respective crafts and are representing their country on the world stage. Far better humans than a guy typing about other people’s accomplishments with Cheeto Fingers and resentment. With that being said, Australia should be ashamed. When we found out “breaking” was going to be apart of the Paris Games, we all wondered what that was going to look like. Not one time did I think that I was going to see what Rachael “Raygun” Gunn brought to the table. In a horrifying hybrid of some animalistic mating ritual, a dying fish, and an epileptic seizure, Raygun brought shame to the Aussie nation. So much so that over 50,000 Aussies have signed a petition for the country to “Hold Gunn accountable for unethical conduct”. I’m not in the business of bullying people on the internet, but let’s be real here. If she had one person in her life that was honest with her BEFORE she took it this far then she wouldn’t be getting embarrassed on a global scale. I think she even tried to hit the thriller dance at one point. Let me be clear: this is not an indictment on any other competitor. They were all fantastic, and I couldn’t do a single move they pulled off. Shout out to The Wiz representing Canada, he was incredible. Now back to what I was doing- SHE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR BREAKDANCING. She received government funding to go to school to receive a PhD in breaking culture and scored a big fat ZERO in the Olympics. Of course people are going to question the legitimacy of how you got to the biggest stage. You showed up and did a Kangaroo Jack impersonation… and a bad one at that!

        I feel bad for the people who were hoping to compete in breaking at the 2028 Olympics in the “City of Angels”. It’s already been announced that it will not be returning to the ‘28 games and there’s one person to blame for that. Raygun may have put the final nail in the coffin for the sport as a whole as an Olympic event. Imagine going to school to be a lawyer for 8 years you get assigned to a big time case and perform so badly that the country collectively goes “actually, we’ll be defending ourselves from here on out, thanks”. She was so bad she may have killed the chance of breaking ever making a comeback. 

With that being said, it got me wondering what other sports were “one and done” in the Olympics, and here’s what I found: 

• Hot Air Balloon Racing 

• Live Pigeon Shooting 

• Croquet 

• Pistol Dueling 

• (Newly added) Breaking (Thanks Rach) 

The Ocho Olympic Games!

 Now there’s been a lot of cancelled events that are some prototype of the current events in the Olympics but I’m not interested in those. This is The Ocho. I’m here for the weird shit. The pistol dueling event was an Aaron Burr simulation where competitors shot a pistol at a human silhouette with a bullseye painted on the chest. Tell me the dude from Turkey wouldn’t have been incredible in this, and I’ll tell you you’re a liar. Croquet is pretty self explanatory. A sport for the old rich whites but not exactly entertaining in an Olympic format.

  Hot air balloon racing and live pigeon shooting are the real meat and potatoes on the list. Petition to bring hot air balloon racing back under the name “the Hindenburg 500”. I hereby invite every Australian who signed the Gunn petition to add their name to another list. World records were set at the 1900 Paris games during the hot air balloon races but due to a ban on motorized events, the event was scrapped and unlikely to see the light of day anytime soon. Live pigeon shooting could see a comeback if the games were to ever take place in NYC. Competitors take aim from atop the new pigeon statue that was just erected in the city and have an hour to get as many street rats as possible; who says no? Normally the shooting events had a target called pigeons but they were made of clay but in 1900 Paris was clearly on one. Off the back of the ever successful hot air balloon races, the Paris games of 1900 decided to ditch the clay and go right for the real thing. Somebody in attendance HAD to have been a founding member of PETA after witnessing 300 birds get shot down in the streets of the city of love. 

Now there’s a common theme between those four events being cancelled. There’s not a singular person to put the blame on. Some were cancelled, some were just not that interesting, some evolved with the times except for ONE event. Breaking. The city of light hosted the darkest day in the sport of breakdancing, and I for one hope we get to see a redemption arc for the ages. Until then, we’ll have to settle for the memes. Listen, I wish Rachel Gunn all the best, but this kind of reaction has to be expected with a performance like that. I think the best thing she can do now is get a PhD in Public Relations and do what she can to get the sport back in the Olympics. 

Is there an event you always thought should be in the Olympics and isn’t? 

What were your favorite moments from Paris 2024? 

What are you looking forward to the most for 2028?

Let us know in the comments here, on our social media, or pop on over to The Ocho and check us out live Wednesdays at 8:00 PM EST 

Weekend Wager!

Happy Friday all! It’s AC with some truly fun weekend wagers. While the NFL is in preseason mode, the CFL is well under way. So let’s take our wagers to the Canadian Football League and build a simple parlay.

Edmonton Elks money line + Over 53.5

And I’ll also take the Blue Bombers and the over 51.5 points.

If you read this before the game starts, I also like the Allouettes tonight!

and that’s it for this weeks newsletter. Don’t forget to subscribe over on YouTube and we will see you next week!